transitions.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

plus PART 2

so i came back safe and sound from the roadtrip. well quite a lot of things happened though, pictures tells a thousand word. hahaha. so basically we travelled like nearly 2000 miles by car. 2 cars, halim's and dwi's. well the journey was great i suppose though unpleasant things happened, halim's car and dwi's car got broken into. the passenger side glass was smashed into pieces, so we couldnt really drive around on the first day.

well on this trip i got to know quite a number of people. all of them are like indonesians, mainly jeffry's halim's and imei's friend. well i got to know ivone, our tourguide in canada, cecilia and alex in seattle. i think the $700 bucks was quite worth it for the trip. i got to see a lots of scenaries, like really a lot. hahahaha.

i got to know cranky people, and pretty girls ermm.. well. overall i said the trip is not bad, there are so many things that happened that i can't remember. hahaha but i particularly like this picture.
since you my blog frame is small, thus you got to click the picture to see me. haha.

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y174/indodarwin/CIMG0589Large.jpg

me and my pretty girlfriend. HAHA, yeah yeah yeah. i have an album at imagestation, i dont think im ready to post it yet. but if you want the link you can come find me! lol. and after the trip, all the bad things are happening. hahaha. oh btw, they, everyone said i smile so differently in this picture, as in i looked really happy. and im appreciative of this picture because i do think i smile like an idiot. haha. pure idiot, haha.

i have a math class, i gotta go.

so im back again now i shall blog about the sad part. now i just called mum, im feeling ultra ultra sinful, really sinful. though today i got accepted into UC sandiego, but my mother is not that impressed afterall. to make things worse, i have a hella bad schedule including my own friend's workload. first is halim's exam, then busac test on tuesday ( i might even have to go to school to collect the exam paper on monday night ), then cecilia! is coming over on the 5th of may while i have semeseter dinner. 8th of may is halim's exam again, and 9th of may is my examination. 10th of may is my birthday and i have a reasearch paper to hand in on the 11th of may. man, i might really screwed my life up this time, like real big time. and i still have an extra final ( halim's exam ) to take. you know, sometimes ijust feelstupid to take the exam. if i dint, nothing would have happened. maybe i would have more free time, then i would not have so much responsibility. sometimes if this carry on, i wonder if i can take it. i don't know what to do, where to go,and how to start to face the reality. my grades are at borderline, and my life is going from goodto bad to worse to bad. what am i talking again. man, there are so many things i wanted to say no to, and so many things in life that i wished i had said yes to. or maybe i wished i had in the first place, a beautiful face and soul, more wealth, more wisdom more smile and on and on. man,sometimes i just get so sick grumbling about my life, cause its always in a mess.

no wonder they said that picture looked different, because in that picture i feel a little happiness taking the photo. lol. whatever man. gravity of reality is so heavy, it's bringing me down.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

today is my 3rd night, 4th day of the trip.

well, its pretty fun to go on a road trip but no doubt sometimes its just dead tiring to even keep yourself awake. well. i won't say that its exactly fun, nor would i say its exactly boring. its pretty normal to me, this spring break is gonna be wasted just wasting money and wasting time in the other state. tomorrow we are going to drive to van couver, which is good, finaly i would be able to leave america again.

congrats to tyo who got accepted into UTA. man, that jackass sure is a lucky ass. and once i start thinking about myself, i feel so screwed. haha, it seems that there is always something on my mind, like its never possible for me to enjoy something fully without worrying something. it has always been that case for me. no wonder poeple always said that death is a relieve, that every bad shit that happened to you on earth could be forgotten.

man, sometimes i just want to rest at home. like just sleep, wake up and dream a little and then walk around doing nothing and go home sleep again. i have to say, nothing beats sleeping at your own house. and of course no other places would feel as comfortable as your own home or house. its lesser then 1 month to my birthday, 2 more weeks to may 1st, 2 more months before semester ends and i start grumbling and getting pissed not because i missed my friends but because i will be so upset about my grades again. sometimes in life, its always the same old shit. human realized their mistakes and then they go repeat again and again and again.

i won't really talk about my seattle/vc trip. nothing much to say either, but seriously speaking i wished i could spend it more meaningfully. well, with someone i think is worthy of time. im not saying that my this trip sucks or anything, but man i just feel that something is lacking and missing. sometime is making this trip tiring for me, exhausting and depressing. 800 miles away from SF, kinda homesick of my own house. well, i guess im really fated to be a homie boy.

nothing beats the warmth of your own bed and home.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

today marks the end of half of the current semester, its also good friday, its also the start of spring break.

tomorrow me and my friends are going a roadtrip ( 12 hours ) to seattle, then canada vancouver. i don't know whether or if i should be happy about it. just finished chilling with my friends at my house. rio finally started smoking after quitting for 40 days. haha, thats really a miracle isn't it. a heavy smoker like him who quit smoking for 40 days since ash wednesday.

i don't know what is really on my mind now lately, been thinking weird things and unusual stuff. i spent quite a bit lately buying clothes and fashion accesories. thanks to somebody _i__, i changed for the bad and the good. ok, more of the bad. i lost the " cupuness " in me, or rather i can't pretend it anymore. today is april 14th/15th. the very same moon appear as a full moon today in the sky again. well the connection is that 2 month has passed, but its still the same moon. haha.

i don't know what will really happen in the future, especially in this coming 2 months. after i transfer, many things will change. i have really no idea where i will end up, and then everything will just rewind and rewind again. the same feeling that i had before i came to america. having no idea who i will meet or what would the new environment be like.

sometimes i got so much things to say till the extent i can't start blogging. everytime i post at blogger, i felt as if my privacy is invaded. ( im pretty scared that people from my school are reading my blog ). i don't know why it seems that my life now, is something that i should not expose to the public cause its nothing to be proud of or its just a bunch of embarrassment and disappointments to people that i know. so in the end, i ate my own memory and let it fade away.

i don'tknow why but i just feel that something is wrong ( i got no idea what it is ). something is missing, something is lacking, and something bad is really is going to happen. well,i call it the big turning point of life where i will fall so badlyi could not climb up again. sometimes i do wonder why people do not stop themselves from doing stupid things when they know they ought to. i ought to cover up for my shameful life.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

this week, i feel rather unlucky. like damn totally cursed. troubles came outta no where, i helped people to take their test. now i gotten myself into unwanted troubles. i am so upset, like totally. fucked up life man, thats all i can say. in the end, i will be the one who will suffer, and i know i will suffer.

it was really perhaps a stupid mistake i say to help people. sometimes being selfish isnt exactly wrong, or rather there is nothing wrong being selfish. it is just man's basic instinct for survival.

today i have to waste 2 hours of time to try to explain to the teaccher to get my friend's score back. how fucked up can that get. anthropology field trip paper due tomorrow. i was bathing just now and i thought about how bad my grades could go this semester and i almost died of heart attack.

all i could do everyday is to stare at 亀井絵里 and daydream. life is so confusing now i don't know what to do other then daydream. i wished i could become the darwin 2 years ago, who more selfish, egoistic , brave, timid and believe more in reality. now i have already sold half of my soul to the devils, i have no idea how am i suppose to get it back. i really want a long rest. just a long long rest.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

i think we, just ought to be happy just for a moment. uh.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

i don't know who i have offended. but it seems that APRIL is a pretty screwed up month for me.

i watched some stupid movie called inside man. its a waste of money and time.

i got involved in some triangle relationship, wait let me make this clear. im the innocent party. all i did was to sit here, at my comptuer desk doing nothing and being accused ( not that serious ) of being part of it.

today i got reprimanded by my english teacher for being late, i cracked my fucking ipod screen, so now its an ipod without any screen. how about that. i tried solving some math problems, i couldnt solve them at all. like totally, jackass questions. there is a math exam tomorrow, and i am not prepared for it at all. in fact, im dead worried with the kind of questions that the teacher will come out with. man, someone should just shoot me in the head. i can feel the stress juice follwing in my brain, working as an acid and burning and scalding every part of my brain.

math is the thing that is killing me. every weekends and mondays, i had to think about the shit i had to go through on tuesday. man im so dead pissed with my life and my wrong choice of taking math 182 and 183.

on top of that, life isnt going that well for me because of that A___. well, not really because of A___, but it contributed more or less. made me feel like a pathetic loser. thats all. haii.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

sometimes, i feel so stupid opening up to people. saying things i shouldnt have said, doing gestures that i shouldn't etc. and then they could make a joke outta my whole life. i felt as if pouring loads of darwinism out to people.

sometimes when i think about the past, like how i reacted and acted infront of people that i knew, or the people i dint knew or the people that i just met, the things i said made me feel so stupid now. like just pure stupidity. i hate the feeling of betrayal, everyone does. i hate people having bad impression of me, i hate it when people finds me disgusting or irritating. i hate it when i know why people hate me. the feeling is just pure dumb.

back to the topic, we had a bbq festival yesterday. it was really fun, (kino wa, tanoshikatta ). well, sometimes when you think of it, its like one of the most memorable thing that will happen before we transfer. like beautiful and happy things happens when something is about to be lost. well. i have a math exam next tuesday, im dead worried. and now, its daylight saving which mean we gain one hour faster then usual.

lets hate the sun, and love the night.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

i ought to update more on my normal life. well didnt do pretty well for the exams, pretty sad to say. ok now my heart is in pain.

went to sf yesterday, in fact i been to sf many times this week. chiling too much too. a math exam next week and i havent started studying for it, but well im gonna start studying it later after i wake up. i dint sleep exactly for 24 hours, doing stupid things and univ applications. i just finished watching one of the japanese drama, the twist was pretty nice. i dont know what else to write since i don't feel like writing how i feel now. i think i shall just go sleep.

ha